BL4KM4SS | BR4ND1NG OF THE L4MB

BR4ND1NG 0F TH3 L4MB -BL4KM4SS Leaves Its Mark

It’s a familiar scenario to me at this point. I’m parking my car in a semi industrial-looking area, next to a public storage facility of some kind. The sky is darkening, and as I get out and brace myself against the chilly March night, my eyes dart left and right, trying to suss out any possible dangers. Of course, there are no REAL dangers, but this group is unpredictable. I’ve been instructed to call a phone number and let them know I’m ready for my experience, which I do. br4nd1ng

 

BR4ND1NG 0F TH3 L4MB, which took place on March 13th (a Friday), was part of BL4KM4SSM Series. For someone who might jump in here and join the M Series in the middle, rather than having done some of the other experiences first, one might wonder whether there isn’t enough background given to make the story comprehensible. Thankfully, the folks at BL4KM4SS provide films beforehand to give the participant a bit of background, so they’re not left completely in the dark. I know, having participated in the M Series before, that I am about to become involved once again with a mysterious and dangerous group called The Organization. It’s unknown what type of tortures I’ll witness or what nefarious deeds I’ll be subjected to. As a unique sidebar, my experience took place on the day that COVID-19 was classified as a national emergency. There was an added note of unpredictability coloring the evening.

 

On the phone is Russell, a smarmy and likeable character I’m familiar with from past experiences. Minutes after I confirm my readiness, a car pulls up with Russell in the passenger seat, wearing a porkpie hat and giving off distinctly wise-ass vibes. I’m playing both sides in this game with The Organization, and Russell will be my guide in helping me navigate tonight’s interactions with them. According to him, I’m being taken to a safe house and assigned a new identity. That’s a relief. My new name is Betty Slauson. I live in Pacoima. I simply work for the legal department, pushing papers, and I know nothing about anything. As long as I stick to my story, I won’t be found out.

 

BL4KM4SS | BR4ND1NG OF THE L4MB

 

I stow my personal effects in the car, have my hands squirted with a liberal dose of hand sanitizer (a sign of the times that gives me an inner chuckle), and we’re off to the safe house. Once there, I recognize the look of the layout. It’s a filthy, barely livable space that looks like a good place to bullshit, play cards, get high, and hide from the law, which is apparently what’s happening inside at this very moment. I recognize Clausen, who I think of as the sinister “brains” of the operation, sitting in the corner of a small room, which is covered in black plastic. I also see Baker, who’s the uber-intimidating and always terrifying “brawn,” sitting at a card table covered in weapons, booze, and objects that look like they could cause significant discomfort. And there’s the randy couple I met during my holiday experience, pawing at each other and canoodling on the couch as the room goes back and forth with taunts and evil laughter.

 

Russell brings me in, introduces “Betty,” and leaves. I’m steeling myself and hoping I can pull this evening off. What I’ve been told to do is smile and nod, whilst the others talk about themselves. It turns out that I’m not as lucky as I’d hoped. Baker immediately recognizes me, corners me, and grabs me. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Baker (medical mask donned) screams into my face. My gut reaction is that I. Am. About. To. Die. He shakes me by the shoulders hard, I flinch, and then…he laughingly pulls me into a bear hug. It’s the fake-out to end all fake-outs, and, thank God…I may not actually die tonight!

 

I flop into a chair next to the small card table in the center of the room. Baker begins regaling everyone with tales of our exploits together. I’m apparently a major bad-ass. In fact, I’m THE bad-ass. I taught Baker everything he knows. During our first evening “out” together, I curb-stomped one man, and then killed a woman by shoving my fist somewhere it shouldn’t have gone during an aerobics session. Immediately I sense that this encounter is going to shatter the limits of good taste, mostly because of my own additions to the story, and I’m loving it.

 

BL4KM4SS | BR4ND1NG OF THE L4MB

 

In the midst of our jovial recounting of past indiscretions, a girl wearing cat ears, whom I recognize as possibly having been a double agent, bursts into the room. She’s extremely high, or at least she’s behaving that way. She stumbles over to me and squirts me with some kind of liquid…I’m reminded of a seltzer-bottle dousing in a Three Stooges short…takes a big swig out of a bottle of vodka, and then lopes back out. Something tells me she is there to check on me, and her brief appearance relaxes me just the tiniest bit.

 

Baker puts a projector onto his phone as he begins to tell the next story…about an older woman who hired us to make her dream of becoming a porn star come true. Now, this story is being told with visual aids and the blue “flashback” movie is projected onto the wall. The couple on the couch are very excited by all this and can barely keep their hands off of each other (as an aside, I love how these two actors play off each other, with very real chemistry). In Baker’s (and my) flashback, the aspiring porn star changes her mind as things heat up, and starts crying…but I demand that she do what she paid for. She eventually ends up servicing everyone on the set, even the guy holding the boom mic. At this point in the story, a very real and present “The Kid,” a bleeding and terrified-looking soul, comes in and is immediately set upon by Baker.

 

The Kid has a bullet in his arm, and Baker offers to take it out for him. This is rudimentary surgery, with backwash-laden vodka used as an anesthetic. The bullet is removed with a rusty knife and thrown into a pitcher of water on the table, and I watch blood trails spread throughout the liquid. I can’t truly see everything that’s going on, as Baker’s bulk is obscuring the action…nor would I want to. Baker now spontaneously decides that he wants to brand The Kid, under the guise of cauterizing his wound. He grabs a butane torch and lights up that same rusty knife from the card table. I can see the knife turning bright red as it becomes molten hot, and this scenario is suddenly becoming very, very real to me. Here is the promised Branding of the Lamb, and it is brutal. Clausen mentions that the smell of human flesh cooking must be closest to pig…why else would human meat be referred to as “long pig?” The knife hisses as it’s thrown into the water pitcher with the bloody bullet.

 

BL4KM4SS | BR4ND1NG OF THE L4MB

 

And then, another surprise visitor arrives. It’s a lovely woman wearing a red dress covered in cherries, all pinup girl cuteness, but her appearance belies her true nature…one of cold stone. The woman seems to be the Head B*tch in Charge, and she berates Baker for getting blood all over her safe house. She seems to have recognized me, and tells me that she took care of that man who harassed me while I was working the pole at the strip club, and I’d never have to worry about him again. I realize it’s a taunt…a made-up story to help her express her dominance. This woman is the only person that frightens Baker, which means she is the real deal, but of course he still wants to have his way with her.

 

Back to The Kid… It seems that nobody knows who he is or why he is at the safe house. Baker’s original idea was torture to extract information, but Head B*tch has a better idea. She pulls out a gun and shoots The Kid dead (complete with a great squib special effect), startling us all. She has known all along who he was, or so it seems. It also seems that she has not had her fill of fun for the evening. She wants us all to play a game. There’s a Zippo lighter on the table. We all must go around the room, taking turns lighting the lighter. If it doesn’t light on the first try, she will shoot the gun wherever she wants.

 

We begin to play this twisted game of Russian roulette under the gaze of her gun. Baker lights the lighter. I light the lighter using my pants, which elicits some praise. Next is one half of the couple – the delightfully sleazy young man who’s always fidgeting with a small rhinestone microphone. He fails to light the lighter and is shot in the Achilles’ heel. His young lady tries to light the lighter and fails as well. It’s apparent that there’s barely any fluid in it. However, instead of shooting her, Head B*tch shoots her young man! This is getting more and more twisted.

 

BL4KM4SS | BR4ND1NG OF THE L4MB

 

As the game continues, Clausen escapes a bullet to the leg, but Baker and I do not…eventually everyone is shot, even the poor girl on the couch, who is absolutely terrified at the thought of such pain. The game seems to be escalating…and then, just as I’m about to take my turn again, Russell bursts in. “This looks like a great party, but, Betty, I think we brought you to the wrong house! We’ve got to get you out of here!” And suddenly, I’m whisked away to safety, leaving the confused group to recover from our sick game. And as for the game, there seems to have been no reason for it except to satisfy the sadistic urges of the Head B*tch in Charge.

 

I’m back in the car, and Russell tells me we’re scrapping my new identity and starting back at square one tomorrow. We’re going to have to regroup and figure out how to salvage the situation. As I’m driven back to my car, we stop for a hand-off with the cat-eared double agent. She’s now completely cognizant, and passes Russell an envelope for me (containing my souvenir BL4KM4SS shirt…hooray!) Ha! I mentally clap myself on the back for knowing the girl was watching out for me. As usually happens at the end of my time with BL4KM4SS, I’m back at my car, and sad that experience is over. It’s always an exceptionally fun ride full of memorable characters.

 

BL4KM4SS | BR4ND1NG OF THE L4MB

 

Find out more information on BL4KM4SS and their upcoming shows on their website, Twitter, and Instagram. Check out our Event Guide for more extreme horror events throughout the year.

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