La Casa de Satanas 2023 – Ur F*@cking Hysterical

Oh boy where do we begin with this show?  La Casa de Satanas 2023 show Ur F*cking Hysterical is different, scary, disturbing, funny, and all around just good ol’ fashioned fun.  I participated on one of the extra extreme nights.  Here we are in Chicago.  Parking was very easy which was surprising given it is Chicago.  I was instructed to print the waiver and sign it in person.  I had to read this waiver over a handful of times while waiting in the car for my show time.  It definitely got the heart rate going.  What will happen to me?  Why do I keep signing my life away to strangers?  Why did I decide an extra extreme night was a good idea?  Well it is time to find out. La Casa de Satanas 2023 is an Extreme Haunt that runs out of Chicago, IL.

I walk through the snow to the building that the La Casa de Satanas 2023 show is in.  I am greeted by a gentleman at a table with some foldout chairs.  This is an art studio building so, immediately, I felt at ease, however this doesn’t last long.  There is still a group going through their show so I grab a seat and talk with the guy that greeted me for a bit.  The other guests come out of their show.  After looking at them I second guess my decision.  Time to go through the door into the dark basement.  Sure why not…

As you get into the basement of La Casa de Satanas 2023 you enter what I can only describe as a disturbing waiting area.  There are two other guests with me.  I look around the room and notice a tv behind some plexiglass.  You are told by a voice to sit in front of the tv.  As we sit down the tv comes on.  The instructions and safety precautions are given in a hysterical manner.  Once the instructions are done you enter the hallway where the tv is in.  Oh boy a clown, in a dark hallway, instructing us to put on scrubs and face a brick wall.  I believe I have seen something similar in a movie somewhere and it didn’t end well.  After putting on the scrubs, I am given a bald cap to put on.  I don’t even want to know why I need this.  After the clown finishes yelling at us, we are directed to the next room.

This room…… Oh this room….. Well let’s just call it Father Dave’s Church of Love.  Yes Church of Love…. You are greeted with glowing painted walls, a spinning wheel on the floor, two booths, the clown from before, and Father Dave.  Father Dave is here to bless you but it won’t be with holy water.  This priest doesn’t wield a bible either.  Oh no…  He wields his holy dong and is ready to bless you with the gift of God.  Yes you did read that correctly.  You are going to kneel and bow down before your servant of God.  And blessed you will be. You are going to feel the whole experience of the Holy Spirit as it coats your entire being.  Well I am starting to see why we needed scrubs and bald caps.  I am not sure whether I should be disturbed, laugh, or cry.  As Father Dave finishes telling you all the things he likes to do I am instructed to get into one of the booths.  The nice little clown decides putting a shock collar on my neck would be a good idea.  I am then handed a remote. The male guest in the group is put into the other booth with the female guest to follow.  I guess we are supposed to use these remotes to shock the other person.  Well I receive the first shock and decide hmmm what happens if I turn these numbers up on the remote.  The shocks go back and forth for a bit before the female guest enters.  I administered one shock and she was not having it.  I receive a few more shocks and then we are taken out of the booth.  As I exit the booth Father Dave is having his way with the male guest.  Spinning him on this wheel in circles while wielding his weapon of God.  We are instructed to keep spinning him on this wheel until Father Dave decides he has no more love to give.  Into the next room we go….

Well I am greeted by one lady spread eagle and yelling on a table ready to give birth.  Then there is another lady with some kind of warped face hunched over.  As insanity ensues, I am trying not to fall over laughing.  The look on the female guest is priceless.  As this baby shoots across the room and almost smashes into the wall like something out of a deranged cartoon, the other creature picks it up.  Upon further examination this thing is not a baby.  I don’t know what it is but it isn’t a human baby.  What do you think happens next?  You guessed it! This figure and I start playing catch with this product of hell.  Did Father Dave have something to do with this!?  I am literally playing catch with this person’s baby as she screams and tries to get it.  This is actually a little difficult considering it is soaked in some kind of KY Jelly type substance.  Oh did I mention that the baby is dead and it is your fault?   Well after this fun family bonding moment we are on to the next phase of insanity.

This room is dark and designed to feel like you are outside.  While taking in the scenery I notice a flesh made bathtub filled with water.  And who might you think is bathing in the nice waters!?!?  Why it is no other than Pogo The Clown.  Oh yes, just like Elvis Presley at the gas station, he is alive and kicking.  So why not go hang out with the serial killing clown.  As he tells us some beautiful tales of heartwarming times I see there are apples in the bathtub.  Can you guess where this is going?  As nothing shocks me anymore with what can happen, Pogo’s beautiful voice states that he wants us to bob for apples.  Well this is nice.  Bobbing for apples in a bathtub with a naked serial killing clown.  How poetic.  As we take turns doing this for a while Pogo decides he is bored.  The only thing that can cure his boredom is to shove a big black dildo down the male guests throat while he is submerged underwater not expecting it at all.  Oh all the laughs we shared.  You think being mouth raped by a serial killing clown while bobbing for apples in his flesh made bathtub is enough!?!?  You could not be more wrong.

Climb through that whole in the wall they said.  It will be fun they said.  This is the point where a cage closes behind that whole in the wall.  We are in a dark hallway.  In front of us is a wall of knives with a face hole in it.  Whose face pops into that hole?  No other than the person’s baby you killed and tossed around.  Well this can’t be good.  The wall comes charging toward us.  The screaming from earlier ensues except this time it is a riddle you need to answer.  I am assuming this answer is needed to prevent death.  It is some kind of question in relation to something Father Dave worships.  Well this guy did not attend Father Dave’s class at the Love Palace in school.  As we near our ultimate demise we are saved at the last minute.  We are dragged through the brick wall and into the final room of La Casa de Satanas 2023.

Finally!  A room filled with family, friends, and loved ones.  A place to make those loving memories that will carry you through the tough times.  It is time for family dinner.  We are sat down and plates and silverware are set for us.  Now this lady slaved away over the stove for hours to make us this meal.  We better eat it and like it.  You know I am not really hungry after those tasty apples.  And the food is served.  Nothing says scrumptious like the bland gray slop that I see before me.  Pogo won’t be happy if we don’t eat.  Better eat up everyone.  As I attempt to ingest this cold slop I see the female guest.  Oh no.  Please don’t puke over in this direction.  Not that it would matter at this point.  At least that would be warm unlike this dinner.  Did I mention if you don’t like your food you get the nice gesture of force feeding.  There is no time to ponder if I will be puked on as I am forced to my feet and led astray.  I am thrown to my knees on this church kneeler and instructed to stay.  Pray to your God!  Father Dave’s Love Juice Heaven would be a blessing compared to what is in store.  The noose is put around my neck and all I see in front of me is darkness.  As I am asked if I am ready to play with Father Dave for all eternity it happens.  No one, two, three.  No final last words.  Not even a finished sentence.  I am thrown into the darkness as I lift off the kneeler and plunge downwards.  Downwards to the loving eternal arms of Father Dave.  Father Dave’s Love Palace is my home now.

This La Casa de Satanas 2023 production was funny, chaotic, and disturbing to say the least.  How they contained all this is a mystery.  There was not a single moment to really think and comprehend what you are seeing/doing.  I am writing this review, so I did not die.  I never felt unsafe.  (That final moment was terrifying not going to lie.)  Everyone did a great job warping my mind.  This La Casa de Satanas 2023 show was unlike anything I have ever done.  Big shout out to the entire crew.  I have no idea how everyone kept their composure.  Amelia de Rudder puts on a hell of a show.  This event is not for everyone.  It is intense to the max.  Beware those who decide to enter…..

For more information about La Casa de Satanas 2023, check out their Facebook, Instagram and Website. For information about similar events, check out our Event Calendar.

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